Why I’m Feuding with Jack Royer
It was the summer of 2005 when I realized I might have a problem. I met a man named Matthew McConaughey in Gadsden, AL on the set of Paramount’s “Failure to Launch.” To be honest, I was more excited about seeing Sarah Jessica Parker & Terry Bradshaw.
I remember seeing McConaughey’s perfect shirtless body while he was eating Bar-B-Que and hearing all the girls “OOOhhhhhhh!” That was it, that was the moment my feud began with Matthew McConaughey that has now existed 12 years. I’m not sure why, he’d done nothing to me, but I was sure the universe appointed me to oppose him. In short, I was the chosen one and my next 2 months of radio shows taunted MM to meet me in some loose gravel. I remember McConaughey saying a line to me that day that sounded rehearsed, he said with a mouthful of BBQ. “Nice to meet you Mr Wild Bill” he said. McConaughey looked confused when i replied,
“I want to whip your tail right here in this gravel! My granddad taught me how to fight in loose gravel years ago, and I got somthin’ for you including a shirt.”
Matthew McConaughey squinted his eyes, staring deep into my eyes, while licking BBQ sauce out of the left corner of his mouth. “Right here,” I whispered, as I pointed to the gravel parking lot in our beloved Jim & Nicks BBQ Restaurant that had closed for his movie. I began to kick away at the ground, trying to loosen up the gravel where we stood. McConaughey walked away snickering with a confident grin that I was sure I could knock right off his face. Lets just say our gravel scuffle seemed to have a “Failure to Launch.”
I find myself wanting to fight Jack Royer today, the exact same feeling I had 12 years ago. The first time I met Tuscaloosa’s young & perfect TV23 news man was at Bar-b-Que tailgate party before a football game in our 953 The Bear tent getting ready for Kentucky & Alabama. We were outside Bryant Denny Stadium and I saw him lick some Bar-B-Que sauce from the left corner of his perfect mouth.I remember thinking “well, well, what have we here, Tuscaloosa’s McConaughey,” as I watched J.R eat B.B.Q. under our 95.3 The Bear tent. It seemed to fuel my inner fire as i over heard a pretty girl say “Heeeeey Jack Roooyeeeerrrrr, (giggle, giggle) can I use your napkin to wipe my lips?”
It was that moment that I made it official, that “me and TV 23’s Jack Royer is a Fuedin” i remember saying to my inner self. Thankfully Jack Royer didn’t taunt me by removing his shirt as little Matt did in 2005 which lead to my aggressive soft whisper. The fact is, I’ve always loved Jack Royer and his father, both are really nice guys and very talented men Alabama men unlike Matthew McConaug-HEY come back to Alabama.
Hmmmm, I don’t understand it?? Perhaps when I see a handsome man, eating BBQ, and girls are ohhhh & ahhhh it brings out the “WILD” in Bill. I wish this dang blog had a happy ending, or at least one that would show some growth within me as a human being, but it simply does not. Right now, all I’m thinking while I eat a BBQ sandwich, is how I’d love to whisper “right here” in Jack Royer pretty little man ear. Honestly, I wish my heart picked older, less athletic targets to feud with but we can’t control the heart wants.
Here’s a vid of more men without shirts I’ve had feuds with lately…. ROLL TIDE!
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