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Pain In The ( ________________ ) -My Ailments This Month

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So little time, so many ailments to endure. I need a break like Nell Carter.

At the beginning of February, I was felled by the ‘Sydney’ Stomach Virus which left me too weak to reach for the remote lying on the bed two inches from my fingertips. One week later, I caught the crud that enjoyed my company so much, the cold lingered for two weeks. Seven days later, I vaulted onto an old rusty nail while taking photographs of abandoned buildings followed by a tetanus vaccine booster and a ten-day regiment of antibiotics. All of this during the shortest month of the year.

This past Sunday night an intense burning began at the base of my neck that was aggravating but tolerable. However, by the next morning, the pain had radiated up the base of my skull and standing underneath the stream of water from the shower head proved challenging.

I finally bit the bullet and went to the doctor. I’d put off this inevitable step because I knew no diagnosis would be forthcoming without a slew of medical tests. Sadly, I was right.

For the fourth time in as many weeks, I called Dr. Jeff Parker (if he doesn’t file a restraining order at this point, I’ll be surprised) for an appointment. I needed an X-Ray so I could get an MRI so I could get a nerve block. See why I dreaded involving the medical experts so bad?

The ladies at Northport Urgent Care took great care of me and in short order, Dr. P had looked at my x-ray films, ordered a shot of Toradol to quell the hell-fire burn that was slowly driving me insane and sent me on my way to the Radiology Clinic for an MRI.

I’d anticipated a wait but was quickly called up after the patient before me informed the techs she would not be climbing up in the coffin-like machine that day.

After a half-hour, I was on my way back to Dr. Parker’s to wait on the results.  Not long after arriving, he walked in while flipping through papers in my massive chart and read off some medical jibber-jabber before clarifying, ‘You’ve got a bulging disc at C6-7. You’re gonna need a nerve block.’ His office would refer me for an appointment with Dr. Spruill at the Spine Center.

Today, I met with Dr. Spruill and received trigger point injections without sedation. I chose to forgo being put under because I’m amazingly strong and Versed is for suckers. I also didn’t shave my legs this morning and the possibility of me getting in a hospital gown with Stub was non-existent. The injections weren’t so bad, but I’m hoping they help alleviate the pain around my neck and shoulders so I won’t walk around the office hunched over like the old lady in Snow White.

It’s Friday night and I’m anxious to see if I can go the entire week without contracting Cholera or breaking both legs in fourteen places.

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