Necessities: Beyond Stupid Inventions for Mothers

This weekend I attended a baby shower held in my best friend’s honor. Watching her excitement opening each gift was enjoyable, but I was fascinated by the different baubles and trinkets new mothers have access to.

The birth of my first child wasn’t that long ago, (after the invention of the wipe warmer but before the 3D sonogram) but enough time has passed that I recognize little on the shelves today.

This past week, I came across the Mommy Hook which attaches to the stroller and allows you to hook your purse, diaper bag and groceries to the handle (I know, right?!).

Obviously, I bought it for her.

Some inventions for new moms are brilliant and long overdue, but some are just ridiculous. What necessity was the mother of these inventions?

Bunwiper Baby Beer Bottles

Uhh...I’m going to step out on a limb and assume a dude invented this one.

Anheuser-Busch didn’t get the joke and is suing for copy right infringement.

Baby Toupee

If the objective of the individual who created this was to make babies look like morons, success was achieved.

I get it. This rug is a party novelty and meant for laughs but nothing is humorous about little boys who grow up wearing baby toupees before transitioning to Flair Hair when they’re older. 

May I present, a visor with hair:

Baby Bangs

Why wait for advertisers to give your daughter an inferiority complex when you can start today?

While you’ve got the credit card out, complete the look with her first pair of heels!

The Tummy Tub

This large plastic baby oasis may look identical to the mop bucket you rarely use, but this masterpiece offers a soothing environment for baby that encourages ‘bonding instead of battles’ during bath time. If an activity exists that is more relaxing than being submersed in a snug vat of water while suspended by the neck, I challenge you to list it here.

The Zaky Pillow

This was invented to mimic a mother’s hands. There are other versions available that will grow with your child to aid you in mimicking actual parenting.

‘Drive Your Child To School’, Tuck Your Child In At Night’ pillow hands can be purchased now and ‘Walk Your Daughter Down The Aisle At Her Wedding’ fatherly feet are expected early 2013.

Just hold your children, people.

Baby Bottom Fan

How will children ever learn their...boo boo doesn't stink when mommy and daddy are breaking handheld fans out everywhere?

Seriously, no words.

What ridiculous baby inventions have you come across?