I'm sorry, but can someone tell me what month it is? I was under the assumption that it was October, but literally every calendar in the world must be wrong because October is a month of crisp weather and cardigans, and it feels like HOT SWEATY DEATH outside right now. 

Seriously, what the heck?

It is going to be EIGHTY-SIX degrees this weekend. For HOMECOMING. In what I thought was October.

Why? Why is it so hot outside? What have I done to deserve this? I am a moderately good person. All I want is to be able to wear my new boots. Is that too much to ask? Do I need to make a voodoo doll or sacrifice a baby goat or something?

JUST TELL ME.

I want it to be like 65 degrees outside and wear a cardigan and make chili and watch Hocus Pocus.

Sigh.