This morning I woke up earlier than normal to finish what little bit of Christmas shopping I had left to do .

I arrived at Walmart around 5:05 and whizzed through the aisles in solitude, picking up stocking stuffers, last minute gift cards and other trinkets of whimsey that caught my fancy. It's amazing the items you remember you've needed for some time when all of Walmart is laid at your feet.

I arrived to checkout with a shopping cart filled with LOTS of items and just when the young lady thought she was finished swiping my items, I threw 6 gift cards on her to activate. She hit total, stepped back in shock and said, 'Oohhhhhhooooo...' when the final number appeared.

I reached in for my card and I don't see it. The wand with which I create my monetary magic is not in my wallet. I scramble around in the bottom and still, no card. The line behind me begins to fill up and nervously, I scrambled around some more. I cannot make the card appear.

'Will you please hold this for me? I'll be back. I promise.' The lady nodded in a manner to suggest, 'Okay crazy lady. I'll play a long.'

When I arrived at the station (empty-handed and shamed), I turned on the light to find my glasses and realized I'd shoplifted a giant chocolate dime wrapped in gold foil that I'd intended to stick in Perry's stocking.

I called Walmart and informed Manager Rick that I was in possession of stolen goods and would be down later to square up.